Kulam Ikan Tetangga

If you think you inspire me, which in some ways you actually do, it is mostly not on how you think on what you think. I actually cannot be bothered to correct you. I need the energy to correct myself. Besides, correcting you is not what I seek. As I also do not seek to be "stand corrected" in your eyes. Because, actually, your opinion does not matter to me. You do not hold that power against me. The subject of our envies and angers is different, this I am absolutely sure. It is a personal kind of monkeys, personal kind of circus, personal kind of burdens on the shoulders of the conscience. So good luck with yours.

The Ring of Solomon by Jonathan Stroud My rating: 5 of 5 stars This book was published after the Bartimaeus Trilogy and timeline-wise is a prequel to the trilogy. But it is also an excellent stand-alone book. So if you have yet read the Bartimaeus Trilogy, it is okay to read this. As with the trilogy, the book has the plot narrated by different characters along the way, with clear separation, but also with obvious change of tone in narration. The book had been translated to Bahasa Indonesia, but I haven't read the translation, so I cannot testify if the subtle change in the tone is translated too. I finished this book in the same week I finished reading Monstrous Regiment, and cute enough, it has several similar theme. Concealment, disguises, and people finding their true self and true potentials after a long journey. Asmira, in disguise, discovered her true self after arduous fight, and actually had not much problems to move on. She found that she is indeed born and trai...

Monstrous Regiment by Stephen Briggs My rating: 3 of 5 stars I borrowed the paperback from a friend and it took me several sitting throughout 3 weeks to finish it. Borogravia is in the midst of war, the country seems to always be at war due to being proud of their...pride. Into the last battle enters a group of new recruits that earned the title Monstrous Regiment. It is lead by a seasoned and well-known veteran of many, many, many wars, Sargeant Jackrum, and comprised of a troll, an igor, a vampire, and girls. Oh, and a nerd. The theme is a frequent of Pratchett, on how strong, reliable and badasses women are while men are generally only good at being man. Except for Commander Vimes, of course. It also nudges on politics and policies and the tendency of men to burn themselves by being...man. Another theme that seems to caught my attention the most because it has been a resonance of repeats in my personal life in the last few years, especially the month I read the book, is id...

So I am going to talk about the fear for the first hundred words I am going to submit to this year's NaNoWriMo . I have to be realistic and rebelling is one of the realistic way to achieve my goal this year. My goal this year is to actually start writing again. I hadn't written properly for ages. I honestly cannot remember when was the last time I actually sit down to write what I have in mind and actually finish the writing. Hmm ... although as I typed the above sentence I realize, it will never be finished. Writing, I mean. Any subject can always be written and re-written numerous times using different approaches. Oh, yes. I was going to write about the fear. I fear of feeling. I fear the feeling of discomfort. While writing used to provide me with release and relieve from discomfort, it is giving me a sensation of unease nowadays to actually write down and finished describing the idea I have in mind. Have I gone lazy or have I gone crazy? Most probably the fi...

Meg was dying. I had sensed this since 2011. The cooling fan was not working properly. But still like a soldier she heaved on. And almost impatient at times, I bore with her trudging on slowly in the path of hard toils and labors. Throughout 2012 she endured life without her battery cells. It was horrific. Electricity installation is a bit unstable where we live. I was horrified. In the last six months I had to do a lot more than two hard reset. Meg was dying. But I was on denial. I told myself she only needed disk repair. Which she had two weeks a go. Yesterday she gave up on me. She froze and when I restarted her, she stopped recognizing the HD. J attempted a resuscitation. It seemed working for about an hour, and then she passed out again. I really don't know what to feel. Amagona Vicereine Saralee Amina Avangelia Cantora Paramitha Octinosia ExMachina Gimana a.k.a. Meg in our first encounter in 2008 I need to keep on working, Meg. It's not that I stopped loving...

I read information on hypnotherapy back in 2007. I was still having a slight anxiety problem although it wasn't as bad as the episodes in 2005. I was thinking about getting a therapy for it but in the end was too lazy and can't be bothered to find the said place that offers hypnotherapy sessions. The subject of hypnosis came up again during my pregnancy as I was busy searching for information on ...well.... pregnancy. Someone actually offers hypnobirthing classes in Indonesia. It wasn't accessible for me because of the time, cost and distance. Still I apply their advices on self hypnosis technique, mainly using suggestion mantra. My mantra was for Chloe, for her to jump out in just one push. I whispered this mantra almost every night since I was 20 weeks pregnant. Well, she didn't jump out with just one push. But the labor process were more swift than I expected. So I guess in a way, the hypnosis work. Last week I stumbled upon a post discussing how nowadays the...

You know, one of those days, when you feel like being left behind as everyone seems to move on, move forward and having the best times of their lives? It's only a matter of perspective, really.  At least that's what I told myself repeatedly most of the time.

He said this to me when we first slept together. "You're lucky you met me now. I was an asshole. You wouldn't like me back then." Mystified with reverberating orgasms my brain hazily keep this information and responded with, "yeah ok." The information resurfaced again tonight. And you know what, he's absolutely right. I would hate him had I met him back then.

You know the new tetangga who bought the next door house from our tetangga kampret? His wife ran off with a Taiwanese. At least that's what he said to a couple of our friends who stayed over for NYE. Just like that, when they happened to walk in the same direction on that last day of 2012, and he discovered they were our friends and guests. Small chitchats and then, "My wife ran away." Poor thing. He probably had to spill it like a walking broken automaton. So those two boys we often hear, there's a reason to the little one's whining and crying every now and then. Or so what I would like to believe. It's a good thing they're boys. He won't have awkward time going to department store in the women section and shop for bras for teen daughter(s). I saw their front paved yard has quite a few of potted plants. At least this neighbor likes green at some level. Seems like a reasonable neighbor. Sorry I scowled when you smiled at me the other day, ne...

Today is the last chance for Multiply non-commercial users to put their proverbial private belongings in a digital virtual box and leave the building. Rumours had spread since last year, but still some were shocked to see it actually happening mid 2012; a "love letter" written in the softest translated version in Bahasa Indonesia, which basically tells Multiply social media users to scram as the site will concentrate mainly on pure commercial means.  Hearts were breaking. Some went as far as bombarding the management with words. Tons of written and oral verbals expressing disappointment. Which is, really, to be honest, a tad too much albeit understandable. Decadence and Nonsense, it's last template  I had been using Multiply since 2004. Sparsely at first, because I already had Kulam Ikan Tetangga here. But I had more interaction there, since it was designed differently from blogspot, and maintaining two blogs at once was hard. The wonderful thing about MP was, i...

And I have to sit down for a while The feeling that I'm losing her forever And without really entering her world I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter That funny little girl Slipping through my fingers all the time I try to capture every minute The feeling in it Slipping through my fingers all the time Do I really see what's in her mind Each time I think I'm close to knowing She keeps on growing Slipping through my fingers all the time -abba-

My baby girl develops this fascination on lizards since early on. House lizards. I think her first word was "Chak" for 'Cicak'. She has keen eyes for them too. She can immediately spot one on a wall or ceiling 10 meters away. I haven't figured out the reason behind this fascination. Perhaps because house lizards is something she often saw in her first months of life, when she hadn't learn to sit up straight. I stumbled upon this article via socmed this afternoon, "Real Flying Dragon Discovered in Indonesia" . It's actually a wild lizard, with membranes growing on the side of its body to help it glide from trees to trees. Like squirrels. The flying ones I mean. Colorful little buggers. I have nothing against lizards, except for their innate ability to get inside my half-drunk mug of coffee or chocolate. Or their tendency to jump and fall on you just when you unsuspectedly and innocently were just opening a door. The big fat ones lov...

The ups and downs now mostly happened inside and outside. More than once I consider about bailing it and take some shortcut in order to just ... cut it short, you know. Get through it coldly and as swift and painless as possible. And then I remembered the last time I did that. Cold, quick, painless and zero fuss. Only, it left me quite numb for quite some times without me realizing it. It wasn't the unpleasant numb, but still... numb. I mean, how'd you like to walk around without feeling your legs and feet? You'd fall down easily. You'd step on dog crap etcetera and not realizing it. So, yeah. No thanks. So I took the hard and long road. I hate the hard and long road. But life isn't always peaches and sunshines. Three cheers for general formal maturity and consciousness. *snikt!* Now. The last few weeks the green eyed monster made a come back too. Although it has been for quite some times I had it under check, it still lurks around dark corners see? Qui...

"The name on the driving license in his wallet was Paul Bradley. 'Paul Bradley' was a nicely forgettable name. He was several degrees of separaion away from his real name now, a name that no longer felt as of it had ever belonged to him. When he wasn't working he often (but not alway) went by the name 'Ray'. Nice and simple. Ray of light, Ray of darkness, Ray of sunshine, Ray of night. He liked slipping between identities, sliding through the cracjs. The rental Peugeot he was driving felt just right, not a flashy macho machine but the kind of car an ordinary guy would drive. An ordinary guy like Paul Bradley. If anyone asked him what he did, what Paul Bradley did, he would say, 'Boring stuff. I'm just a desk jockey, pushing papers around in an accounts department.' " --  One Good Turn , Kate Atkinson, p. 18. I don't know about you but to me this paragraph is very much cliche. My head swam as I read paragraphs of the prologue chapter titl...

To recap, family happened to me last year. It dominated the events of 2011 and plans for any long term or immediate future. New friends. An office job and then no office job. I still try to live with no regrets, so here goes... 2012 Let's go!

By the time I write this, she is 4 days passed her estimated due date. Why? I don't know. Perhaps she's not ready yet. She's head down, which is good. She's descended into the pelvic bone, which is good. The uterine is ripe and thinning, which is good. But she's not coming out yet. Her father had been around for a week and she's still inside. Aren't we anxious? HELL YES WE ARE! Aside of the umbilical cord problem, everything is peachy inside, apparently. The ob-gyn was quite cool in a reassuring way. "Come back next Thursday if nothing happens, and we'll induce her out." So, what is supposed to happen before next Thursday? Hopefuly something like labor contraction. Water breaking. So far I had only a bit of the mucus plug out. Mild back pain. Mild pelvic discomfort. A series of Braxton-Hicks that are still not turning into something more serious. The little rabbit, in the mean time, seems to still enjoy the limited space she's...

If I fell in love with you Would you promise to be true And help me understand 'cause I've been in love before And I found that love was more Than just holding hands If I give my heart to you I must be sure From the very start That you would love me more than him If I trust in you, oh please Don't run and hide If I love you too, oh please Don't hurt my pride like him 'cause I couldn't stand the pain And I would be sad if our new love was in vain So I hope you see that I Would love to love you And that she will cry When she learns we are two cause I couldn't stand the pain and I would be sad if our new love was in vain so I hope you see that I would love to love you and that she will cry when she learns we are two photo courtesy of Masayu :)

I know it's selfish, but a little girl with my eyes and your smile will melt the world, no? I know it's selfish but imagine all the cute colorful things with frills and bows she can wear.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë My rating: 3 of 5 stars The story picked up with a very slow pace with depressing plot which does not improve until atleast 7 chapters later. It becomes more rewarding after 11 chapters, and reading pace is highly improved after chapter 13 where pages start fly under your fingers and eyes. For less determined people who wishes to be able to finish this book, download some audiobook to accompany and force you to trudge on until some considerable length, where afterward you pick up your own pace and fly. View all my reviews I finally finished reading it after a very long delay. This book is the Book Stalkers group's book of the month. I downloaded the e-book and audibook and installed both on my smartphone. Audibook is needed to force myself through the reading, and it does help a lot! I wish there are more e-book and audibook for Indonesia's classic masterpieces.

I think I should start taking photos regularly now. I took one in week 12 but I think I didn't change much until at least week 17. The bump is getting more prominent each week now. I feel good not just because the nausea had receded, also because I look more convincingly expecting. HAHAH. My mammaries exploded though. I think I went up two sizes. I read in some sources that I get to keep the cup size afterwards. Hooray mammaries! The good news is in total I gained about 5 kg ever since. The bad news is I got even lazier to drag my expanding bottom out of the bed and into the swimming pool regularly. Two of my bikini tops still fit, but I fear within 6 weeks it will all be different. I shouldn't be complaining much. It has been quite a smooth ride with my bump. Pink glow, however, had turned into a more androgynous yellow, at least until the next photographed evidence is taken. The kind gentleman who had ran his practice for over 20 years checked on the pulse and let me ...