Kulam Ikan Tetangga

Happiness was finding a pair of really sweet bikini with a bargain prize this afternoon. It was ochre yellow with blue lines. Really soothing. Just right for the season. Happiness was finding the pair, when I wasn't really looking, but realizing that I've wanted it for months now, and it's there, and I got it. So I put them on, and admired my own reflection in the mirror. My God I am beautiful! :) The flabby lower region is really not that attractive, but the happiness of finding the bikini itself beats the fear that I don't really look that attractive when it comes to the lower region. I love bikinis. I just looove myself!

Tergabung sudah gue ini dalam sebuah kelompok kecil pergunjingan. Laskar gosip yang berbaris menuju ke neraka. Begitu mungkin yang para ustadz bakal bilang. Padahal tiap hari mungkin orang-orang terdekat mereka terus memantau acara infotainment di TV. Hmh, ngapain juga gue perduli hal begini ya? Start with myself! Jadi, gue udah tahu kalau nggak masuk dalam sebuah kelompok itu rasanya menyesakkan. Ada hubungannya dengan pembawaan manusia yang zoon politicon, socialistic animal, the primal instinct of wanting to belong into something. Yeah, itu, teori-teori dari jaman textbook. Kotoran otak yang mengendap lama. Gue juga udah tahu prakteknya. Dipraktekkan ke guenya dan gue praktekkan ke orang lain juga. Seperti yang gue lakukan sekarang. Cukup lama gue menganalisa masalah ini secara berlebihan. I do have that tendency, over scrutinizing things. Dan ketika di akhirnya ternyata gue menemukan orang-orang yang kurang lebih berbagi serat rasa yang sama, meskipun kadar prosentasenya beda, I fe

THINGS THAT GOES CREEPING LATE AT NIGHT There are a thousand things, a thousand things going on in my mind as I write this. About things that I should be doing, things that I chose to do, refrained things, thoughts I'd rather think about and things I don't want to think about but get thought about. I need to talk. Like, talking to someone, and be talked back. A conversation. About things, something, anything, comfortable things that gives one the feeling of relaxing in a big pool of warm water that smells of flower. But I can't afford to talk right now. All right, perhaps just a little. With the person I prefer, of things I'd like to know or talk about. Am I the only one in the world who keeps things like this inside the head? That sounds lonely. I don't like loneliness.

Wow, ada kegembiraan dalam ketertekanan gue. Wehehe! Akhir pekan ini, di saat gue butut berkeringat dan cukup bete berat, mendadak, muncullah, orang yang gue pikir nggak bakalan gue ketemu lagi buat selama-lamanya. An old crush! There he was, standing two meters away from me, I was just browsing around and my sight bumped into him and thinking "I think I know this guy." And he noticed me, and we exchanged looks of recognition, and it was indeed him. Wow... my Old Crush... (or something, but I was genuinely kind of interested in him) shook my hand and looked happy to see me. To recognized me. I was happy he even remembered me. Dan pada saat itu gue sedang butut berkeringat dan sedang cukup bete berat. So I reckon, I didn't look my best, but what the heck, he didn't look his best either, but come on... I used to have some sort of crush for this guy, so naturally I wanted him to notice me, not like notice "notice" but more to the paying attention kind of notice

How can you escape your own mind? It's there 24/7 staring at everything you're looking at, knowing every deepest thoughts you hadn't even realize yet. And then they murmur behind you. Discussing about things you thought you want to hear, but then you realise, you'd rather be without knowing these things. How can you escape your mind?

Stay out of trouble, that's what my mother always say. What if the trouble is family? Ini bakalan jadi bahasan yang panjang banget. Mulai dari definisi awal keluarga, dan pembatasan masalah itu sendiri. "Stay out of trouble!" Terkadang nyokap atau entah siapa, melakukan hal-hal yang mungkin terasa menyebalkan, tapi itu karena mereka cemas. Mereka nggak pengin kita terlibat hal-hal yang asing buat mereka, yang mereka nggak tahu, yang kemungkinan mereka bisa menolong kita kecil. Mungkin tanpa sadar mereka melakukan segala cara buat melindungi kita. Because the pain of loss is unbearable. I understood this a very long time ago. I just still can't handle it. "Stay out of trouble" and sometimes you just can't. This had been a heavy season for everybody. It's been a heavy season for me. Kapan hari ada yang bilang, "seberapa keras pun elu ketawa, gue bisa lihat kalo sebetulnya dalam hati elu nggak bisa ketawa." And I had to try hard to laugh at th

sepupu gue mati dibunuh orang no kidding Tadi malem nyokap gue nelpon ngasih tahu sepupu gue yang kerja di Pulau ditemukan udah meninggal, dan kemungkinan udah meninggal dari dua hari yang lalu. Keluarga dia langsung pergi ke Pulau buat ambil jenazah dia. Tapi informasinya nggak jelas kenapa dia bisa meninggal. Nyokap curiga ada hubungannya sama obat-obatan. Di tengah-tengah cerita itu, nyokap sempet juga curhat masalah lain... tapi gue rasa curhat itu juga sebenernya nyokap gusar karena berita mendadak ini. Almarhum bukan keponakan kesayangan nyokap dan memang nggak terlalu dekat. Tapi dia juga bukan jenis orang yang nyokap nggak suka. For starter, he was a hardworker and kind, and probably the kindness was also abused by the family. Just like Mom's. And for this reason I feel my Mom always referred to him with pity tone. Even when he was still alive. Selama pembicaraan telpon itu mendadak kebayang sama gue sepupu gue itu gimana waktu ditemukan. Dying alone and nobody knew until t

Wanten mengirimi majalah In-Style seminggu sesudah kartu posnya nyampe. Udah lama banget gue nggak kontak sama Jerman gila itu. Kalo dipikir-pikir, gue surat-suratan sama dia udah dari tahun 2003 lho. Dan dari tahun itu juga dia sering ngirimin gue berbagai majalah dan katalog dan menuliskan hal-hal yang menyenangkan di surat-suratnya. Orangnya sendiri sih jalan pikirannya cenderung aneh menurut gue. Mungkin kalo gue ketemu dia sering secara langsung, gue bakalan sebel setengah mati, entahlah. Kemungkinan besar dia juga mikir gue aneh cara berpikirnya, sama-sama gitu. Tapi entahlah, selama ini selalu dibawa senang saja. Suka tuker-tukeran foto makanan sama dia. Resep-resep nggak jelas. Gosipan-gosipan yang nggak penting. Asyik juga. Suatu hari nanti gue harus mengunjungi dia dan keluarganya di Heusenstamm. Terus gue masakin dia segala resep antik yang pernah gue pamerin ke dia waktu itu. Resep terdesak a la anak kos! Ahahaha... Beberapa tahun yang lalu, sekitar 2001 gue juga sempet pun

I've had enough! I wish I had my own spouse so we could be weird about and be important about and stick our noses up in the air about and not really care what other people think or say and be constantly bickering and crying displaying our stupid unnecessary emotions publicly and pull loads of stunts and throw fits about and be zealous at because I have my own life and my own fertile spouse who made loads of cash and we are family and we are cool and we are everything you are not. I am so fed up with all this ancient ritual of I want to be polite and very nice to them people because my friend think they're okay but I will not with you because my friend think you're not therefore I shall think less of you just to support my friend's feelings see coz my friend is my friend and thus human but you're my friend's enemy thus you are lower than us. Talk about the will to listen! I can't believe I even bother myself to be involved and play along with their rules! Wh

Oh dear. . . I've just found myself marvelling my hamsters ability of synchronized scratching. This is it. I need a boyfriend with the ability of synchronizing his scratching with mine.

What's in Your Bag? Ini adalah peluncuran perdana What's in Your Bag. Kita bisa tahu seseorang lewat isi tasnya, begitu orang bijak bilang (ohyaaa?) Ada yang tasnya serupa kantong Doraemon, ada yang tasnya segede kapal tapi nggak muat diisi henpon (don't ask me). Selama sebulan ini, gue selalu berselempang tas putih yang konon Levi's ini, pemberian seorang kerabat di Jakarta sekitar 7 tahun yang lalu. It was sitting in the bottom of my drawers until I found better use of it recently. Hari ini isinya: 1. Dompet besar, biasanya serbaguna dan tahan air, diisi henpon dan dompet dan alat tulis dan lipbalm dan kadang pembalut dan prikitiw-prikitiw lainnya yang kecil-kecil dan gampang kececer dan keselip di tas. Ini wajib dibawa dalam tas apa saja. Kemaren yang hadiah dari Intan jebol restletingnya, jadi gue sekarang pake yang bonus majalah Bobo. Hore! Gambarnya Bona dan Rongrong. 2. Kamus Inggris-Indonesia, warna ijo, dapet ngembat, lumayan berat, buat modal kerja. 3. Naskah

Tiga hal yang nggak ada hubungannya: 1. Waktu bersihin muka malem-malem tiba-tiba salah satu jerawat gue yang paling gede di pipi kekopek. Terus karena pada dasarnya gue nggak waras, gue pencet itu jerawat. Dan.. Cret! aja dong... meletus dengan kekuatan penuh terus nyiprat ke kaca. Gue berdiri bengong. Gila, serem banget! Bunyi dan semprotannya itu kaya' film alien atau apa gitu. Buru-buru gue nyari tisyu dan bersihin kaca sama muka gue. Jerawatnya sih emang gede, segede ujung kelingking gue dan merah sakit ples gatel gitu. Tapi gue tetep nggak nyangka dia bakalan sukses meletus kaya' gitu waktu dipencet. Rupanya dia emang udah mateng betul. he he he... Muka gue berdarah-darah nggak ada hentinya selama beberapa menit, sampe gue mikir, gile ini jerawat, dia bolong seberapa dalem sih kok bedarahnya gini amat. Akhirnya pendarahan berhenti dan almarhum jerawat itu gue totolin obat jerawat supaya dia nggak radang terus malah jadi jerawat yang lebih dahsyat lagi. Abis itu gue mulai